MY GOOD MEN! The beards have come! Care for them with beard shampoo & conditioner containing my best beard oil! I declare your beard will look like a rabid mongoose no longer!
I MUSTACHE YOU A QUESTION GOODMAN. Do you tire of owning 47 different types of beard balm, beard shaper and beard conditioner? Well, I have a solution better than that Trojan horse idea.
YOU MAY OWN A BEARD BRUSH, BEARD COMB, BEARD CREAM AND BEARD TRIMMER. These will give semblance of taming your hairy holiness, but I do declare Polished Gentleman will give perfection!
STOP LOLLYGAGGING WITH YOUR FACE! Do you even know what’s in your beard softener goodman? You don’t have to be Steve Jobs to do the research. My organic formula will make your beard fuller than a landfill in Northern California!
I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU ABOUT FACIAL HAIR GROWTH! Tea tree! Rosemary! Biotin! Aloe! Argan Oil! Peppermint Oil! Manuka Honey! Eucalyptus! I rest my case goodman!
ALL WHILE CHUGGING A FIFTH OF THE FINEST WHISKEY AND THEN ONCE I APPLIED A SOLID CHOKE ...
LISTEN UP GENTS,
I WILL TRY TO BE BRIEF, BUT I JUST GOT DONE FIGHTING A MOTHER GRIZZLY BEAR, PETTING HER BEAR CUB, ALL WHILE CHUGGING A FIFTH OF THE FINEST WHISKEY AND THEN ONCE I APPLIED A SOLID CHOKE HOLD ONTO THE BEAR, I MADE HER LIGHT MY CIGAR FOR ME.
THIS STUFF IS LEGIT. THE MOMENT I APPLIED THE SHAMPOO AND CONDITIONER (BE SURE TO FOLLOW DIRECTIONS), I WAS TRANSPORTED TO THE SET OF JUMANJI WHERE I THOROUGHLY KICKED ASS AND WAS WORSHIPPED FOR THE SOFTNESS OF MY BEARD. USE WITH CAUTION, THIS PRODUCT CAN LEAD TO INTIMATE ENCOUNTERS WITH FEMALES, AND WILL ALSO PROVOKE WEAKER AND MORE PATHETIC BEARDS INTO A JEALOUS RAGE OVER YOUR MAN-MANE. HIGHLY RECOMMEND, A+++++